Judy

Judy sat alone in the the bedroom. She drew a deep breath and exhaled. She had laid the money on  the table and she held the gun in her hands. It was the same type of rifle that her father had when she was a girl. She remembered Jonie and Bill going out to hunt with her father, and all the game her mother had cooked. She thought distastefully of eating rabbit stew with little to no rabbit. The thought of squirrel meat sickened her. They ate everything they could find as children. Being poor had always been an embarrassment, and she and Mary had talked about marrying some rich man and cooking the finest steaks and drinking wine. They would buy clothes instead of sewing their patchwork dresses and their children would never be hungry.

She felt a sudden pang in her chest and drew another deep breath. Yes, she thought, if only it had worked out that way.

She heard footsteps coming up the stairs to the small apartment she rented for herself and her two sons for when they wanted to stay with her. She drew another breath, and put her hand on her chest. Her breathing drawing slow and steady. She had thought about this day for six months. She counted on the calender until she would have enough money for the gun. Each day she crossed, she became more confident. 

The lock clicked in hall, and Jasper her oldest son entered the apartment. He came quickly across the room, and she smelled the smoke of a cheap cigarette. She drew the smoke into her lungs anyway with her steady breathing. 

"You have the gun? Okay, I'll show you how to load it ere' in a second. Could I borrow some money?"

His eyes darted around the room and landed on the table. 

"Are you listening to me? Hello?"

His steps growing faster as he came closer to the bed where she sat. He pushed her just a little with his right hand onto her left shoulder. Her body jerked, lifeless as the momentum threw her back and she bent her spine upright again. He wrapped his fingers around her wrist, and pulled her arm just a bit out from its place on her lap. The cigarette breathed her forearm, and she felt sting of the heat on her skin as he took the rifle from her hands. 

"The moneys on the table. Make sure your brother gets some." Jasper released her hand.

He loaded the rifle.

"This is the safety. Release it like this to shoot. Cock it back, and pull the trigger slowly."

He handed the gun to her and she repeated his steps. The rifle floated back to her hands and Jasper crossed the wooden floor and  closed the door behind him. She heard his steps crossing the hall, and she undid the safety just as he showed her. Click. The apartment door opened, and she waited. Breathing slowly as she heard the click of the door closing. In. Out. In. Out. She breathed the scent of the smokey air into her lungs. She heard the creak of the last step at the bottom of the stairs to the apartment. She cocked the gun. Held her breath. She lifted the gun and felt the pang in her chest and felt the soreness of her bruised body. She held the gun under her chin, and pulled the trigger.